We are all guilty. No shame no blame. The neighbors house always looks cleaner, the kids happier and even their food tastes better. The lie swells up inside and before you know itl we believe it. We bought the bait and drank the kool aid. Chasing the dream…. Another person’s life. If only I had their bank account then I could do all that she does, decorate my house like I want, and I would just be happier. It’s simple. I don’t ask much….If my kids behaved, if my husband did more, if I could just drive a little newer car, if I could fit in my clothes…. And the list goes on and on..
I learned happiness is never based on things, places or identities when all that was stripped early on, God allowed me to go deep into the shadows of the soul, who I was, and what I wanted in life. From the outside looking in – it showed itself a straight up mess. Only God knew he was redeeming those moments that looked like problems to become my life message of finding and fulfilling my purpose. I learned this not by having an easy and good life from others perspectives but from mine; and that was enough for me. My identity will never be what I have, what I do, how I dress or what I drive but who I am and whose I am.
I was an only child and at 13 my mom decided to move to another state with a boyfriend and my dad was just getting out of jail at 40; a new man with a renewed quest for life. He had spent most of his life in drugs, alcohol and addiction after Vietnam which made it hard to live a stable life, so most of the time growing up he was homeless living with whomever he could from time to time, I didn’t see him much and just knew dad lived a bit of a wild life.
So at 13 with my dad healthy and happy sleeping near me while I slept on a little mattress on the floor just after eating dinner on an old rackety table and having a cardboard box as an end table…. I couldn’t be happier and never slept better! It was really no big deal; my dad loved Jesus and was for the first time living his life clean, happy and hopeful for a future that was bright. Our happiness was not based on anything other than being with each other, having a new chance at life and loving Jesus together!
At 13 I truly realized life was not about things but about being loved and loving Jesus with all of my heart and trusting Him for everything!
These were hard times but hard is not bad, it’s just hard and it ultimately is what molds us and can nurture compassion and kindness from seeds of adversity.
These were some of my best days because I knew we had nothing in the world’s eye, but I truly believed I had more than most who had more than me.
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